Growing up, it was drilled into us how imperative it was to respect our elders and no matter what they say, you must accept it and be grateful for it. An older person sees it as a duty to advice you on anything and at any time especially when you ask questions, which is absolutely fantastic as the Yoruba proverbs says;
“A person, who asks questions, never makes unnecessary mistakes”
But the moment you announce you are getting married, this is when it gets better, with grim looks and a twinge of danger in their voice, the advice begins to pour in, even without asking.
They would usually start with “my son” ,”my daughter” or “my dear” not because you are so dear to them, it’s a strategy to ensure you understand the gravity of what you are about to do and the seriousness of the advice they are about to dish out.
As much as an advice is good and can help you avoid certain pitfalls, you have to recognize that every individual and their relationship are peculiar and so is yours, so knowing what advice to take or ditch is key.
I would reiterate that this is a fun post.
- Dress like a married woman: – This rule usually applies to the woman, you are told to ditch all your jeans and start wearing “iro and bubo”, don’t wear certain hairstyles or makeup, basically just start dressing like your Mother or Grandma. ( Yeah someone actually told me this)
- Have children immediately: – This is one commandment everybody including your own parents expects you to obey immediately; an Aunt that I barely know called me during my honeymoon to tell me this. Not that they would help with finances or care of the children.
- Never argue or fight your husband: – Basically be a doormat, say yes to his every command, whims and caprices, don’t say nothing, when he offends you, just pray about it.
- Don’t tell your wife everything: – Well on this I would say to the man, good luck!!!
- The kitchen is the woman’s place: – And the bedroom is the man’s place, really? Who still believes this in the 21st century?
- Your in-laws come first: – Someone told a friend of mine on her wedding day that her husband’s siblings come first before her, the woman was not even a family member oh.
- Have a joint account: – Ehm, why don’t you just do what works for you and your spouse. If a joint account works no problem if it doesn’t there’s no sin in that.
- What happens in your home stays there: – I agree, but not when your life and sanity is at stake, seek help when necessary from the appropriate quarters.
- You should make more money than your wife: – So what happens to women who makes more money, should they resign or look for another job?
- Always have a hot meal waiting for him, when he comes back from work: – Even if he always gets home before you or you both live in Lagos and he works on the mainland while you work on the island. This is really not workable for many Nigerian homes but we still get this advice over and over again.
These are a few of the advice I was given, some I took and others I ignored, you have to know what applies and works for you and your spouse. No two homes are alike. Be wise in applying what people tell you in your home.
Please share with us, some good, bad or weird marriage advice you were given and which has worked perfectly in your home.
Written by Written By Jesuseun Adebo. Worshipper, writer and a blogger who is passionate about impacting lives in unusual ways. Read more of her work here