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Month: November 2016

Your child is not a dunce

Your child is not a dunce



I remember vividly as a kid back in primary school I was tagged  “olodo” hehe. Mehn I found it difficult to comprehend anything (except story books). In Grade3 while walking hand in hand down the corridor with my then best friend, Tolu; my class teacher called my best friend, I will never forget her. He asked Tolu; how come Tosin is your friend and she still gets low grades?  Tolu was the best student in the class (first position every time) She looked distraught as a kid she felt she should do something about it, so she told me to sit next to her in class and copy her answers yep she wanted my grades to be better.

I did try to copy her,  but I could not see the numbers or letters on her book. I was next to her but her writings were blurred.

At that time I was too young to understand I needed glasses. I could not complain at home as my mum was strict and already concluded that i was lazy and playful plus I lied a lot( shhhhh)

I struggled my way through primary school.

When I got to college I had people telling me I should go see an optician because I clearly had eye issues. After my first term in Jss1 I knew I had to say something, I came out 19th out of 90 students in the class.

That was my first taste of success  ( yeah 19th out of 90 students was actually a big deal to me) I desired more so I had to speak up.

I told my dad; my mum still being the African strict mother took me to see the optician but warned me sternly not to lie she promised to whoop my behind if my results where negative ahhh. Throughout that test i was shaking like a leaf, the optician bless her heart had to repeat the test like 3times.

Long and short of the story after I got my glasses, I was always within 1st to 3rd position at a point 1st and 2nd not to brag.  haha.

What’s the lesson here? Most times as parents we always believe we know it all especially as regards academics. To tell you the truth the education system in Nigeria is whack. I think that Nigeria’s academic system is designed only for those who can cram.

Let’s be actively involved in our kid’s academics no child is born a failure or dunce we just have to work out the greatness in them. Train them to know because knowledge is power and help them to retain that knowledge. I remember a biography of a great person I once read. It said that the teacher wrote to the parent saying that the boy’s case was hopeless and that he should be taken to a special school. The mother trashed the letter and home schooled her son. She told him every day that he was smart. Today his story is different.

Kids will believe whatever you say.

What do you say to your kids? Do you have time for their academics?

Let your child believe that they are the best through your eyes and words and trust me they will be the best.

No child is a dunce, but  each needs something different to thrive.  Find out what your child needs

Written By

Tosin Opara

I am the content Creator/Brand manager for “Deestylefairy”. I am passionate about family, parenting and personal development, which are the values that my brand represents.



This is our declaration for today!
Have a fantastic week.



Hi beautified divas. Hope we are wrapping up this year in grand style. The curtains of 2016 are drawing closer by the second, it’s important we finish every aspect of our lives strong, our relationship with God being the most important.

As a form of continuation from our book of last month ‘The God chasers’, our book for this month focuses on drawing our hearts from the distractions of this world and setting it ablaze for God.

Too often we go on hunger strike to hear from God yet continue our busy, distracted lives. A true fast occurs when we abstain for the purpose of seeking God in a more focused manner. Isaiah 58:3-4.

‘Therefore also now, says the Lord, turn and keep on coming to Me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning (until every hindrance is removed and the broken fellowship is restored). Rend your hearts and not your garments. Joel 2:12-13 AMP’.

The Lord’s desire is not a Visitation only, He seeks a Habitation. ‘I will dwell IN them and walk AMONG them. I will be their God and they shall be my people. 2 Corinthians 6:16 NKJV’. Every promise in the Bible is conditional, if the condition is not met, the promise is made ineffective. Not by God’s unfaithfulness, but by our own. It is impossible for God to lie, but not impossible for man to nullify His words (Mark 7:13) by ignoring or twisting it. This also includes the promise of God to dwell in us and among us.

The condition is that we come out from among them (the world’s system) and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean and I will receive you (2 Corinthians 6:17). The world’s system is darkness, and those who are drawn to darkness cannot abide in the light.

To set ourselves apart (Leveticus 20:7) is to refuse a relationship with the world. Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God (James 4:4 NLT). You can’t eat your cake and have it in this case.

Being holy is not an option. God will not dwell in us and among us if we fail to heed His condition of seperating ourselves from the world’s system.

“So leave the corruption and compromises, leave it for good says the Lord. Don’t link up with those who will pollute you. I want you for MYSELF” 2 Corinthians 6:7 (The Message).

The magnitude of God’s promise to be our Father, dwell in us and among us makes it even more important for us to carefully consider the condition He places on them.

Taking into consideration the seriousness of this condition, Paul the Apostle stated, “therefore having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God” 2 Corinthians 7:1 NKJV.


The aim of Christianity is not ministry but INTIMACY. We can cast out demons, heal the sick and lead people to Salvation yet end up in hell. God is interested in us knowing Him intimately, our ministry should not be for signs and wonders but for intimacy. Out of an intimate relationship with God comes true ministry. There has to be a KNOWING before we can do exploits. “But the people who KNOW their God shall be strong and carry out great exploits” Daniel 11:32 NKJV.

Paul said I count all things as dung (rubbish) that I may KNOW Him (Philippians 3:10 NKJV).


The glory of God is not a cloud. God must hide Himself in the cloud because He is too magnificent to behold. Mortal flesh cannot stand in the presence of the Holy Lord in His Glory.

“Now we see God’s glory through a glass, darkly; but then we would see Him face to face. 1Corinthians 13:12 KJV”.

“Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. 1Corinthians 13:12 NLT”.

The glory of God is everything that makes God, God. All His characteristics, authority, power and wisdom – literally, the immeasurable weight and magnitude of God.

God is calling us to His mountain to know Him intimately. The pass to that mountain is holiness birthed out of a heart that fears God. To fear God is to love Him above all else. It is the willingness to obey God even when it appears more advantageous for you to compromise or not obey His word. Those who love themselves cannot fear God.

There is a difference between being afraid of God and fearing God. If we do not fear God, we will be afraid of Him at the revelation of His glory and like the children of Israel, draw back. Moses feared God, so he drew near to His presence. The children of Israel were afraid of God, so they drew away from His presence.

The passport to abide in God’s Holy Presence is a heart set ablaze with Holy fear and reverence.

“The secret of the Lord is with those who fear Him and He will show them His covenant. Psalm 25:14 NKJV”.




Who doesn’t want to be beautiful? Not sure I’d find anyone. Most of us spend so much money buying powder, foundations, lipsticks and other fashion items just  to make sure we slay, but how many of us pay attention to our minds?

Not so many people. Well today, I’m going to give us three sure fire ways of making sure our mind is as pretty as our face. Ready?

A Beautiful Mind Can Only be Built in Christ!

Only Jesus Christ can help us build a mind of beauty. He is the definition of beauty inside-out hence it’s only wisdom to learn how to build a beautiful mind from Beauty, Himself.

Christ helps us renew our minds, making it conform to His word thereby leading us to living a transformed life. (Romans12:2)

If you desire to have a mind that radiates beauty even to your outer man, then there are no two ways to it. You need Christ! Only Him can aid a beautified mind build-up!

You need to have a WORKing WALK with Him. And He’ll help you in your “Beauty- Mind building” Course. *winks*


This is another important factor to a Beautiful mind build- up.

You ALWAYS have to CONSCIOUSLY say no to negativity!

It’s has to be positive vibes only all the time! We must be mindful of the kind of things that enter our minds through what we see, hear and speak. We must guard the doorways to our minds at all times, filtering out every negativity and giving room to only positivity.

We must consciously filter out negative songs, ideas, concepts as they do not help in the build up of a beautiful mind. I say consciously because there will be times you are not into all thee positive talk but you must not let it get to you.


Yes! Just as we tend to invest so much on the things we wear and use to accessorize our body, it is imperative that we also invest in our minds.

I’m sure you’re wondering how to do this. Well, one way to is by investing in books! Good books! Books that edify. The more you read, the more enlightened you are.. The more enlightened you are, the more beautiful your mind becomes.

One of my favourite quotes goes thus:

What distinguishes Man A from Man B asides Grace is information

You cannot afford to be ignorant of some certain things as a lady. Books are carriers of information. Good books are carriers of good information that can help build up a beautiful mind.

I’ll stop here for this post but feel free to suggest other ways by which we can build up a beautified mind in the comment section,


Igbukolu Tobechukwu

 Mass communicator, cinematographer and writer. I am the very visual representation of God’s love and I 
have a passion for getting the message of God’s love and grace to people around the world. 



You see, that little child you refuse to train and correct today on the basis of ‘he’s still a small child’, will end up haunting and causing you sleepless night tomorrow because you’ll continue to see him as a child even while he is all grown up.

I tell people often times that parenthood is beyond feeding, providing shelter for, and clothing your child. As a parent, especially a godly one, you should be able to nurture your child to do right.

But sadly, most parents, although now what they want for the children they consciously send the wrong signals or let their emotions ruin the way the raise their children.

I will highlight a few loop holes that parent’s overlook which can affect a child’s upbringing.

First, taking up the duty of your child because they murmured over it or abruptly said they aren’t doing it is totally wrong.  At some point, every child intends to exhibit some form of silly act but it is your duty as a parent to instill discipline and not violate your morale standard. What you allow in your child today, could become a lifestyle tomorrow.

Secondly, shouting at your house help while your children watch is something I think you should reconsider doing. Doing this in the presence of your young child could make them grow up thinking being rude and screaming at older people who work for them is totally normal. You should do rather act in such a way that makes them understand that these people are there to help them and not to be treated as slaves.

Lastly, even though you have the mentality of ‘whatever belongs to me belongs to my child‘, please let them ask for your consent before taking it. I’ve been with people who see taking things that belong to their roommate or friend without asking for it is totally normal and I think it started from their homes.

So tell me what those acts you think are overlooked by parents are, which go a long way in forming some of the value system of that child child.

Written By

Ozioma Anaele



How well do you maximize your relationships?

How well do you maximize your relationships?


Our entire existence has been closely knit and intertwined  to survive on interdependence. The synergy created in human relationships has proven to be one of the greatest forces ever. It is said that. ..”if you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far go with others”

I like to believe that for you to move on a progressive direction on a destined path in life, with precision and steered drive, go with those on the same journey.

Even the basic unit that lays the foundation of the greater community for mankind culled out as the sacred union of marriage:shows that the core elements that signify our root came about through a coexistence and mutual interaction.

We have to be open to deliberately drawing fortitude and leveraging on the strength of diversity. We have so much inherent in us as individuals, a convergence of our abilities has tremendous potentials, waiting patiently to be unleashed, the more we repel in reluctance to maximizing relationships, the more we reduce our sphere of influence and tendency to bring about effective and productive results.

God puts people in our way to help us attain all He purposes for us. Your next level is tied to a key relationship, the people around us as family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, pastors, mentors, have been put in place strategically for us; to help us, to add our life journey and success story. Friendships have been put in place by God as one of the beauty in our lives to add some colour to our daily living and beyond that to create synergy as we walk in our path to fulfill purpose.

The ability to see through the eyes of God in these relationships is the ability to concentrate on the strengths of those God has placed in our lives. It is of great disadvantage to us when we do not rightly perceive relationships, knowing the ones to nurture and the ones to keep at a distance, it is also more unfortunate when we readily make out the flaws of others and are quick to block them out. One way to maximize relationships is to make allowance for people’s mistakes and weaknesses (Colossians 3:13). So many destiny relationships have been broken because someone took offence at the show of a weakness of another.

Be discerning enough to know when you might be giving room for strife to cause a permanent disintegration of a relationship and when it is important to simply draw the line.Relationships are seeds that germinate into trees of opportunities. It is however important that we learn to leverage on people with using them, always ask yourself; what influence is this person bringing into my life as much as what value am I adding to this relationship?

Above all honour people, do not speak Ill of people, no matter how they’ve hurt you, never think of yourself highly than others, be meek enough to learn, be vulnerable to those assigned to help you and be open to those God has called you to help.

Everything rises and falls on relationships and how far you go in life is directly proportional to how well you maximize key relationships.

Written By

Olajumoke Afolarin






How do you raise children in a dysfunctional family?

How do you raise children in a dysfunctional family?



dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continually and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. (Wikipedia)

A Dysfunctional family is an unhealthy atmosphere for a child to grow. In a dysfunctional home you see the child struggling for survival. Often times dysfunctional homes always appear to be in order, and put together but that is just a charade.

Characteristics of dysfunctional homes includes but are not limited to;

  • Children with low self esteem
  • Children with poor grades in school
  • Constantly arguing parents
  • Divorced parents who don’t see eye to eye
  • A family with secrets they don’t discuss but everyone knows about it
  • When children can’t boldly communicate their needs and wants to their parents
  • A family that practices children should be seen and not heard
  • A family with marital problems
  • Polygamous family in disunity
  • A family with unresolved problems and malice
  • A home filled with verbal and physical abuse
  • A home where aggression is the order of the day

The list goes on and on and on. How do you raise a child in a dysfunctional home; I could easily suggest take the child somewhere else to develop and grow into his full potential but often times that is not possible.

So how do we raise good kids in a dysfunctional home?

First;Seek God’s help

Second seek counsel not just any counselor but a Christian if possible;

Give your child the opportunity to talk about the situation; if you can’t do it let a professional handle it. Seeing a shrink does not mean you are psycho, it means you need mental medical attention.

In this part of the world mental health is treated like a taboo .

Sometimes life deals us with cards that come as a shocker and in order to get back in shape we need to heal mentally. God has given us the intelligence to handle most of our issues ourselves but we keep on asking and blaming him for what He has given us power to do.

Go for family counselling. Invite a psychologist if needed. Go for therapy, if needed. Life is too beautiful to keep striving and forcing your kids to strife in a dysfunctional home.

Children should not be burdened with making adult decisions; its unfair to put them in a situation where they have to.

Lets break the cycle of abnormality speak out and let people help you. Stop enduring nonsense for the sake of your kids. Whatever the witness affects them greatly, the power is in your hands as a parent to either make it a positive impact or negative one.

I will be discussing more on this topic as the spirit leads….. Till next time

Written By

Tosin Opara

I am the content Creator/Brand manager for “Deestylefairy”. I am passionate about family, parenting and personal development, which are the values that my brand represents.

Picture Credit: Google



Good Morning and welcome to another beautiful week.
We are declaring increase and favour on all sides. Have you been praying for God to open some doors unto you? Use the confessions this morning and believe that it is done.

This week’s confessions are taken from :  Psalm 102:13 & Luke 2:52

In the name of Jesus, I declare by faith that I walk in Divine favor this week!
I declare that supernatural increase, supernatural restoration, increased assets, victories, recognition, and prominence comes into my life this week!
I declare that policies and rules are changed in my favour!
Handfuls of favor are being dropped for me right now!
Every endeavor, every meeting, every connection, every opportunity of this week & month is already blessed and filled with favor!
Doors are now open for me that men say are impossible to open!
I walk in the unprecedented favor of God. No obstacle can stop me this week!
I am the object of God’s affection, therefore I increase in influence and favour with God and men!
I am fully resources to fulfill everything God has called me to this week and month!


Have a splendid week!

Ask Funto: How do I develop an intimate relationship with God?

Ask Funto: How do I develop an intimate relationship with God?

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