Myles Munroe (of blessed memory) called it the ‘myth of singleness’.
Contrary to what the world says, singleness is supposed to be enjoyed! It is important, that we find who we are, and discover ourselves before we enter into a romantic relationship or even marriage, to prevent losing ourselves in another person’s shadow.
I know this is hard especially when everyone is getting hitched up, your school mates are getting married and having kids, and you are disturbed. It’s even worse when everyone keeps telling you that your biological clock is ticking.
Some people just want the feeling of being with someone. The feeling of having someone to call, text or check up on you, for others its having someone to hang out to the movies with, kiss, smooch or even have sex with.
Being in a relationship with yourself is more important than being with another person. Knowing and understanding yourself is more important than knowing another. If you know yourself, you’ll know the kind of relationship that cannot work because you already understand yourself and your flow.
When you have learnt to love yourself, you can love another. When you have known how important you are to Jesus, then you can love another as He has loved you.
You have to take out time to know your hobbies and be satisfied with being alone. You have to grow in your relationship on God, know what it is to believe God with your own faith and enjoy the personal feeling of having your prayers answered. Then you can join or agree with another person to set goals, and work to its fulfillment.
Instead of worrying about getting a boyfriend, take yourself out on a date. Just you! Talk to yourself! Admire yourself. If you aren’t whole, you’ll end up destroying and frustrating the relationship if a good person comes along. If you know why you act the way you do, then you’ll know who you can complement and who should be just a friend.
You have to fall in love with yourself. Be intoxicated with yourself. Be ‘tripping’ for yourself. You are made in God’s image. Jesus left His glorious, beautiful and perfect abode, came to earth, just for you (allow that sink). You are special, unique and loved by God. You need to know your strengths, and your weaknesses. Love yourself despite your weaknesses. You need to stop leaning on other people’s shadow.
If you don’t know your value, you’ll leave yourself at the expense of another person’s compliment. Fall in love with your company. Propose and marry yourself, so you don’t need another person’s call or text to lighten up your day. If you can afford it,travel. Create bonds with friends of the same sex that have like minds. Create new friendships and connections.
Be friends with the opposite sex and try to remove the thoughts of ‘he may be the one’. Just enjoy friendships. As I often say, ‘I cannot marry all the great men. But I can be great friends with all the great men’. Realize and consciously understand that your network is your net worth. Build friendships to be just friends and nothing more. Truly care for people.
Know your purpose. Know the reason why God created you. Sometimes, or most times, the picture isn’t clear, as apostle Paul said, ‘we see in part and prophesy in part’. But let there be a vision in your heart. Let there be a hunger. Knowing yourself, your purpose will even make you know who to choose and who should remain just friends.
You need to know you are good, Okay and perfect, whether people see it or not, acknowledge it or not, think it or not. Slim, fat, with or without make up, you are wonderfully and fearfully made! You need to love yourself without make up. You should be able to go anywhere without make up and not feel insecure. You are good, why? Because God says so. When you’ve taken out time to truly know yourself, and then develop what you have, you’ll have something to offer another great man or woman.
If you haven’t learnt all these, you are a bomb waiting to explode. Your lover or whoever may exploit and take advantage of you. You may also exploit yourself, performing Below your capacity, casting your pearls to pigs, why? In the words of Myles Munroe, ‘when purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable’.
When God is saying take a break, please do. He may not say it audibly, but you’ll know deep down in your heart that you need a break. For me, I realized I was making the same mistakes Over and over again. I had to do some personal development and allow God model my character, if not, I’ll destroy His will for me. God doesn’t give out His well trained sons or daughters to half baked partners, He is a business man. For us women, those times we spend alone help us build capacity on how to serve our husbands better. God begins to lead you to people, books, and tell you virtues to develop as regards His plan for you for a spouse, so you can prepare yourself to be compatible and suitable to your husband’s purpose. We are not only purpose carriers but we also care and attend to a cause. That’s why we have wombs! We not only carry babies, but carry vision and it’s our responsibility to help our husbands fulfill God’s call for their lives. How can this possible, if you haven’t taken out time to prepare yourself?
Sometimes dating doesn’t work because God can see the bigger picture. He has something better in the future, your mind is trying to calculate the perfection of a person presently, but God is saying, ‘I have something better ahead, just trust me’. So if this is your season, you need to trust God fully to take care of you. Trust Him through the process. He is a good good father. He will honor you at His time.
Be whole, get your completeness from God, before cleaving to another!
You are complete in Christ!
Nwagu Nneka Uloaku. A fashion Entrepreneur, and a graduate of law of Lagos State University, Nigeria. I’m a lover of God, love, character, self development, family and fashion. She runs an inspiration and fashion online store, Purpose And Poise. My blog is Purposeandpoiseblog.wordpress.com
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