ASK FUNTO: What's The Big Deal About Virginity

ASK FUNTO: What's The Big Deal About Virginity



Last weekend I preached at a youth conference tagged Smart Conference and this was my exact topic. Throughout the week, I’ve been getting messages from different people from who attended the conference about how my message blessed them so I decided to share my major points from my notes on this platform so more people can be blessed.

First off, who is a virgin? When the Bible uses the word virgin, it refers to an unmarried person who has not had sexual relations.

Virginity is such a very sensitive topic to talk about and a lot of people would rather not talk about it including Christians. It really seems like most Christians who are virgins are somewhat ‘ashamed’ to confidently say it or even talk about and I just always wonder why? However the question of what’s the big deal in being a virgin never ceases to amuse me. Like you can’t even complete a sentence with the V word in it before people start to say you’re being judgemental… even amongst Christians. “What’s the big deal? Being a virgin doesn’t mean you’d have a good marriage.” “What‘s the big deal? Being a virgin doesn’t mean you’d go to Heaven.”

Well, truth is, it is a very BIG deal to be a virgin in today’s world; in fact I don’t think there has ever been any time in the history of the world when being a virgin is so much of a big deal than it is today. I believe virginity is a great gift from God to help us carefully write the story of our life and I think that is a big deal. Matter of fact, it is bigger than a big deal! And the devil is very well aware of this and that’s why one of his major tactics for recruiting people into his kingdom is through sexual sins.

For some reason while growing up, I had this thought in my head that if I should ever lose my virginity before marriage, I’d lose my destiny and I knew I had a glorious destiny ahead of me. So the mere thought of that made me really scared.

The story of Joseph is a classic example. Joseph knew his future was bright, he had great dreams. Have you ever tried to imagine what would have happened if joseph had slept with Potiphar’s wife? I’m sure he wouldn’t have fulfilled his destiny; the devil knew this and tried to use that to truncate Joseph’s destiny but Joseph FLED. Even though it landed him in jail, he knew that the pain of spending time in jail for being falsely accused could not be compared to the pain and regret of losing his glorious dreams to a few minutes of illicit pleasure.

God created sex and trust me, sex is one of the AH!MAZING things God created! The only thing is that this really AH!MAZING thing was created only for marriage. Like an atomic bomb, sex when used properly within the right confines it achieves the purpose it was created for but if used outside the confines, it has the capacity to totally DESTROY.

Sex outside marriage destroys, and the number one thing it destroys is our relationship with God.  And we know that the number one thing the enemy is after is our relationship with God; Psalm 66:18 says “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me”
I listed out a few SMART reasons to wait for sex because indeed there are also foolish reasons to wait, however I would just talk about two major reasons

  1. We wait because God commands that we do.

1st Timothy 2:22 says “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” FLEE literally means to take flight, like to disappear not just to run. It’s not because God is a wicked God and doesn’t want us to enjoy sex that He says we should flee but because He wants to protect us from the destructive power of sex outside of marriage.


  1. To avoid sexually transmitted DEMONS

Sex is way much more than just a physical act, it is way deeper than we think and once you realize how powerful it really is, you will no longer take it so lightly. It will take an entire blog post to fully write about this but here’s an excerpt from an article I read-

Sex is much more than a physical interaction, it is an energetic exchange, and opening into another person on an energetic and spiritual level. The act of sex creates a connection between your energy field (aura) and the energy field of the person you are having sex with. When this connection is made you will pick up or absorb whatever is attached within the other person’s energy field.

If you have sex with someone that has a entity or demon, you will absorb that entity into yourself. You will basically be making a choice to allow or invite anything within the person’s energy field you are having sex to come into you.”

When you have sex, you become one with the person you have sex with.  Just the same way that the physical bodies of the man and woman lock together and become one interlocked unit, so do their soul and spirit bodies. Every human being consists of three distinct bodies -spirit, soul and flesh -that function in unity with one another, as one unit. Each of those bodies operates in a different realm and each impact the interactions of your entire human experience. Sex causes two people to connect and become one in all three realms, thus allowing for the transmission of demonic spirits from one person to the other, just the same way that sex allows for the transmission of venereal diseases from one person to another.

When God talked about two people being joined as one, He was referring to something we’re only beginning to understand in a real, physiological way. When two people are intimate, the hypothalamus in the brain releases chemicals that induce feelings of attachment and trust. Having sex outside of marriage results in a person forming an attachment and trusting someone he or she does not have a committed relationship. To have that kind of link with someone without the security of working together toward God is dangerous. Two individuals who are even mildly physiologically obsessed with each other but not committed to growing in God as a couple can be torn from God and His plans for them.

Conversely, if two people make a conscious, deliberate choice to commit to each other in marriage, and then allow the intimacy that releases these chemicals, the body can reaffirm the connection the mind has made. The physiological feelings of trust and attachment are reinforced by the reality of the relationship. In this way, two people become one physically, and that reflects what God has done spiritually.

Marriage is to model the relationship between the church and Christ. A married couple is to serve God in a strong, unified partnership. Sex was designed by God to strengthen that partnership. Sex outside of marriage creates bonds that tear apart people’s hearts instead of joining them together.

After it’s all said and done, it’s important to note this about virginity or the lack thereof in accordance to God’s Grace- those who come to Christ after engaging in premarital sex are not virgins (I don’t understand the concept of secondary virginity; you’re either a virgin or not); however, they are fully cleansed by Christ at the moment they are saved. God can redeem anyone, and He can completely heal those who have indulged their fleshly lusts.

And in the heart breaking case of someone victimized by sexual abuse or rape, who may feel that she, through no fault of her own, no longer measures up to the ideal standard of “virginity,” Christ is able to restore her spirit, heal her brokenness, and grant her wholeness.

At the end of the day, it’s not so much about virginity than it is about purity. It’s a thing of the HEART. Purity is about choosing to love God more than anything or anyone and because of this love it breaks your heart to want to do anything that breaks God’s heart. God is more concerned about our purity and virginity is a by-product of purity. Because when you chose purity, it’s only natural that you keep your virginity and in the case where you’re not a virgin, it’s only natural that you stay celibate till marriage. Purity is a lifestyle; a lifestyle of choosing to honour God with everything- body, mind and spirit.  He’s more concerned about the state of our heart rather than the state of our hymen. That’s why even in the parable of the ten virgins, there were five foolish ones who still did not make heaven.

“Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

12 thoughts on “ASK FUNTO: What's The Big Deal About Virginity

  1. Lovely post Funto. I wanted to ask though: Does it mean that when someone is sexually abused, she is actually joined to her abuser spiritually, albeit unwillingly? Also how does such a victim break free from that ‘spiritual union’ with whomever has violated her?

  2. I enjoyed the read…i am 100% for virginity till marriage. I just need a bit of clarification: in the bible context does virginity refer to abstinence from sex only. Is it okay to kiss…etc? I will like to read your opinion on that.

    1. Well…. The bible says dat we should flee from all APPEARANCES of evil….. . I used to think dat kissing isn’t bad till I came across this scripture….. U know. I’ll b like, I’m strong nothing will happen besides it’s just kiss na… Den d bible also says.” Let no man think he’s strong lest he falls”…. Kissing ignites emotions, makes u feel horny… At dat point, u can go scot free for days months, den wen d devil now realises he’s made u guys comfortable, he’ll strike! D story would now b…. It was d devil…. (of course it was) Den again, if It’s ok to kiss den I presume I can tell my pastor ” Papa, I just kissed my boyfriend, he also said I should greet u?”….. Finally, Can u think of heaven while kissing?

  3. May your oil never run dry ma’am. I have been checking the site like twice a day for new posts. I’m always looking forward to your post MA. Thank you so much.

  4. Ok hi funto thanks for this . I’m a hard core celibacy rite /wait till marriage person, but what I see around me is scary .
    Yes it’s cool to wait till marriage but in the end how come most of these men never cherish what they have ? I have a friend who got married 2 years ago he’s got a lovely son now he married his wife a Virgin (ps she’s an hard core Christian and all ) but this guy still runs after women all shapes and sizes and he gists me about em . Now I look at this and it scares me

  5. Tanx ma for d post…more anointing.. But I will like to know how someone that has kissed which led to smooching can be free from d thoughts nd the guilts ..she stopped already but can’t seem to forgive herself for doing that.

    1. Hello Ayomide, the Bible says that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). You’ve confessed and repented; God has forgiven you and has even forgotten. It’s the enemy that is reminding you and making you feel guilty because that’s what he does, he’s the accuser of the brethren, so dont let him put you down by wallowing in guilt and shame.. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you forgive yourself and stop beating yourself over it. Get up and move on.. there’s so much work God needs to do in you and through you and He wont be able to if you stay wallowing in guilt and shame.

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