No, I did not hear a still small voice say to me “Funto, this is THE ONE for you, marry him!” and no, I did not have that knowing that he was the one.
Ok so let me share the story of how we met.
The month before we met, I had just broken off a rebound relationship I was in which I had no business being in in the first place. Prior to that I was in this relationship which I thought I was really going to marry the guy; in my mind we were the Fela and Tara of our generation, like I was so sure that he was the one because before we even started the relationship I had a dream where I saw us having our traditional wedding in my hometown and that was like a ‘confirmation’ for me.
Yinmu! I’m sure I thought about marrying him so much that I dreamt of it and took it as a confirmation. LOL! So after about two years of being in this relationship, the guy got admission to go for his Masters (in Lagos oh not abroad) and decided he couldn’t continue with the relationship because I’d be a distraction to him… WHAT???!!! Yes we had our ups and downs and we were presently having one of those down periods at the time but I was hoping we’d work it out and move on, only for him to break up with me.
To say I was heartbroken is an understatement. I remember I cried so much that day at work my colleagues had to ask me if I had had sex with him LOL. I cried for about two weeks; that was one of the lowest periods of my life and so in my heart broken state, there was this guy whom I had met earlier and he just said all the right words and that was how we started a relationship or I assumed we were in a relationship without him even asking me out. Anyway, so many things about the relationship weren’t just right and I knew I had to break it off; I remember I was really crying when I was breaking up with the guy sef…who does that? LOL
After I broke it off, I was at that point where I said to God, “You know what God, I surrender totally to You. “Yes I have a desire to get married someday, but right now I’m just going to focus on You and focus on fulfilling the purpose You created me for.” So I got so engrossed with growing my relationship with God; I became more serious with serving in church and also volunteering for events; I remember on some days, I’d go to a restaurant (I loved Bogobiri) and I would spend almost the whole day there having a date with me, myself and Jesus. I was having the time of my life! Wasn’t one bit bothered about whether I was going to get married or not. I knew it would happen when it was meant to happen and everything will be right and beautiful! Because, God makes all things beautiful in its time.
October 20, 2012 I was volunteering as usual for my adopted dad’s (Steve Harris) event- Business of Your Talent and I was on the registration desk and this really cute guy came to register, I ask for his name and he said ‘Gaise’ I’m like “oh you’re the Gaise!” before then he just released a song and Praise World Radio used to tweet a lot about him, that was how I knew about him cause I was very active on Twitter back then. So we talked a little and when he was about to leave, he asked for my BBM pin.
We chatted almost every day and we just connected; then he told me he had a girlfriend. From the moment he told me that, anytime we chat I’d make it a duty to ask about her and ask if he had spoken with her as she was serving outside Lagos at the time. And trust us ladies na, I had gone to do my background research about her and she was (still is) a really beautiful young lady and a Christian too, well home trained and every inch a wife material. So it’s not like I was ‘better’ than her. (Thankfully, she’s also married now and with a beautiful son too.)
I didn’t want to have anything to do with whether he broke off the relationship with her or not so I reduced our chatting and there were times he would send me messages and I intentionally would not respond. Yes I liked him and honestly, I felt hurt to know he was ‘taken’ but I just had to keep my distance.
To cut the long story short, one day in December (remember we met in October) he calls and says he wanted us to meet; so we met and he talked about how he really liked me blablabla and that he had decided he was going to break off his relationship with his girlfriend for x y z reasons (I wasn’t part of the reasons o). Yes I felt on top of the world when he told me that and I was happy that finally I could have him. Haha.Only for him to now say that he really wasn’t ready to be in another relationship just yet and that he needed time, about a year to really focus on God and his career.
I cried. Like I thought it was finally time to be in a relationship that would lead to marriage. I really liked this guy. He ticked off all the things I wrote on my list for the kind of guy I wanted to get married to. So why couldn’t we just start the relationship??? After about two weeks, I had poured out my heart to God and just surrendered to Him, I sent him a message saying if I had to wait for a year to have him, I would wait. Like I said at first, No, I did not hear a still small voice saying he was my husband and I had to wait for him. But I knew what I wanted. And I was willing to wait for it. Yes I had fears like what if after waiting for a year he now says it is not me he wants to get married to? But I had agreed in my mind that even if I wait for a year and afterwards he says it’s not me, then I know that whoever it is I eventually get married to would be way better.
That was how my waiting period started. We deleted each other from all social media platforms including BBM and I remember I’d still go and stalk his Twitter timeline once in a while. Thankfully, I did not have to wait for a year; we started our relationship after about seven months.
So how did I know he was the one?
- He had a heart after God. This was the first thing on my list. I wanted a man that was truly sold out to God not just a church goer. Remember the rebound relationship I was in before meeting him? The guy was just a church goer and we used to go to the same church but he just did not have that real relationship with God. We did not connect spiritually. We hardly prayed together or even talked about godly things. When I met my husband, even from our normal conversations, he would mention or talk about some things that came from a depth only someone with a real relationship with God could have and it was real. He wasn’t even trying to speak ‘christianese’ or form ‘spirikoko’ like some Christian brothers, he was just being himself. This was so big for me because a man that truly loves God would not find it hard to love his wife the way that he should and he would be able to listen and obey the Holy Spirit when he needed to make corrections.
- I was attracted to him physically. Yes this was the second thing on my list. I wanted someone I was physically attracted to- tall, dark, and handsome. God gave me tall, dark, handsome, cute and with pink lips. Haha. Trust me you don’t want to marry someone you’re not physically attracted to. That’s setting yourself up for falling into temptation E A S I L Y. Asides that, marriage is forever, and I just knew I had to get married to someone I’d be happy to look at every morning and wanting to kiss every time even if he hasn’t brushed his teeth. 😀
- He already found his purpose/work. I did not just want someone who had a job; I wanted someone who knew his life’s work and was working in it or taking steps towards it. The rebound guy had a job, an apartment and a car and my mum liked him. She thought he was ok and ready to “settle down” LOL. When I met hubs, yes he was already doing his life’s work as a music artiste but he did not have a car, or an apartment, in fact he was still squatting with his sister and I was making much more money than he was as at that time. But I just knew that it wouldn’t be long before he starts to reap the fruits of his labour. And Trust me; it wasn’t so easy convincing my mum that it was him I wanted to get married to. I knew I wanted and I wasn’t going to let material things affect my judgement. Thank God I didn’t.
Those were the major things on my list. Other things were I wanted someone who is playful because I am playful and marrying someone who took everything too seriously wasn’t even an option. I also wanted someone who understood my purpose and was going to also help me fulfil it as much as I’mhelping him fulfil his. So we both complement each other.
My husband met all these requirements and so much more. And I had this peace in my heart about him. Funny enough he was the one that went to search the scriptures to get confirmation about me and God gave him three scriptures he holds on to whenever we are having our moments. We broke up once while we were still dating; thank God I gave myself brain and went to apologise. We have had moments earlier in our marriage where we asked if we really made the right choice marrying each other. We’ve grown past that already. I know I made the right choice because I was looking out for the right things and I’d be sticking to my choice till Jesus comes.Come rain or shine.
You can read our wedding story as told by my husband just in case you missed it!